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Three Years Later

from Amol by Aurick Leere

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I didn't want to leave this saga with a lame cliff hanger. I started thinking about this recently and it just happened to be this time of the year. So here is the end of the saga. I had an instance not too long ago where a PTSD trigger happened to be real. I freak out when I'm driving when I see a white Subaru sedan because that's what Amol drives. For the first time in 3 years, my PTSD was right and it was her. And it dawned on me that day that I'm over it. It didn't hit me as hard as I thought. Going even further back, in august, It is the anniversary of the divorce being finalized. One of my best friends committed suicide. The man that saved my life 5 years ago. I stopped thinking about this shit, it no longer matters. I trip on the fear of what if, even if it makes no sense. I realized that there are real things to worry about. You never know when you're going to see somebody again, for better of for worse. We don't know how much time is left. There is no time to be afraid. Now is the time to move forward. This may not be over but it doesn't have the weight it once had. This track, to close this thing, is me just having fun. Its a culmination of everything I've learned playing music on Eurorack. Theres some old noise and a peek into where I'm going. Good, relaxed fun. If Amol were to see this, the only thing I have to say is that I hope you never see me again. I know you have been trying this whole time. I hope you don't see me because I've become the thing you dread most. Happy and content. Im not in trouble, I'm not hurting and I'm not dying. I just am. I don't want you to see me because its going to hurt you. I don't know if you will ever look in the mirror and truly see what happened or why. I hope it happens, I really hope it does. I don't have a lot of faith in it, but anythings possible. Ill close this saga with this. The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference. And I just don't care anymore. Its time to live my life and break free from the prison I built.

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from Amol, released February 15, 2021

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Aurick Leere image

Aurick Leere Seattle, Washington

Also check out fathomthevoid.bandcamp.com

25% of ALL money earned will be donated to mental health awareness and suicide prevention.

Exploring the dark side of counsiousness while seeking enlightenment.

Conveying personal experience of past and present through visual and audio mediums as a way to process and heal. Memories may not go away, but the voices can be heard. ... more

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